When It Rain It Pours

life has it’s ups and downs sad to say i am in the down point right now. im not in my first home but i can feel the tension. i feel that my mom is in deep pain. this aint the first time this happened, weve been through alot when i lost my dad. this past few days it has been so hurtful and im worried about my mom alot. this family dont have what it takes to have another loss..

we dont wanna lose my niece for an unfortunate reason and yet this will be very traumatic to the child. i need help from God, there was once a wise pastor told us in one service.. God makes things worst for things to become better, but i think while you are in that cycle you will really get hurt. id say my family is in that cycle. until this is over i will keep on holding to God’s hand.. keeping the faith and being still as what God wants me to do..

Keeping Faith In Me..

December 3rd, yesterday is my month here in Washington.. I must say.. I did not have a time to go to church. I kept on insisting that to my husband. He just dont have enough time for it.

Another thing that bothers me is that ever since i got this things I hear on the side. My friend Gay say it is a gift of the Holy Spirit. Discernment of the spirit, honestly soeaking I am not used to this. It is bothering me, all i do now is pray.. I know God will hold my hand althrough out the way.. 

Who Am I?

Who Am I?

Casting Crowns

hat the Lord of all the earth,
…
Would care to know my name,

Would care to feel my hurt.

Who am I?

That the bright and morning star,

Would choose to light the way,

For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:

Not because of who I am,

But because of what you’ve done.

Not because of what I’ve done,

But because of who you are.

Chorus:

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow,

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I’m calling,

Lord, you catch me when I’m falling,

And you’ve told me who I am.

I am yours.

I am yours.

Who am I?

That the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love

And watch me rise again.

Who am I?

That the voice that calmed the sea,

Would call out through the rain,

And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,

But because of what you’ve done.

Not because of what I’ve done,

But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow,

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I’m calling,

Lord, you catch me when I’m falling,

And you’ve told me who I am.

I am yours.

Not because of who I am,

But because of what you’ve done.

Not because of what I’ve done,

But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow,

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I’m calling,

Lord, you catch me when I’m falling,

And you’ve told me who I am.

I am yours.

I am yours.

I am yours.

Whom shall I fear

Whom shall I fear

Cause I am yours..

I am yours..

Loving God..

 For the past few weeks, I must say I had a share of quite painful experiences of going in and out of the hospital. Somehow I feel that everything that has happened to me were all connected.

This started out with me asking God to help me stop smoking because I will soon have my medical exam for my visa application and apart from that i dont enjoy smoking 12 sticks a day, for i know that soon this will pay off. So it started first week of the month of August 2010 had a cold, at first I though it was just a simple cold that can be cured in less than 4 days because that’s why I usually have. The cold lasted for almost a week and its getting worst for i am not able to breathe through my nose. So I decided to go to Makati Medical Hospital and the doctor diagnosed me with Acute Sinusitis. Needless to say, I need to stop smoking for smokers has an ability to produce a particular amount of mucous for which can worsen the situation. This did not stop me from smoking still. I must say I am a very hard headed person. After 3 days I’ve experienced a difficulty in breathing and chest pain, I went to the same hospital again and I was diagnosed with GERD (Gastroesophageal reflux disease) to cut the long story short, I’ve been experiencing heart burn. This lead me to stop smoking completely and for which reasons I am no longer allowed to drink as well.. At that moment I asked God why does He need to make me sick for me to stop smoking. It was then that I realize God wants me to know that He loves me. That if I do not stop smoking, I will surely be in more pain.And that He dont want me to experience that anymore. From that moment I know that I am not worthy of any of His love for sometimes I fail to let Him know that I love Him. But still my God is faithfull and loving, He never stop paying attention on me.. This made me realize, you dont need anything from this world… And now, as soon as I get well from another health problem that I have. I will have to pay attention to my soul and my whole being. Looking forward to be baptized, and let God know that I am His servant, I am with Him all the way to finish good in this race.. To God be all the glory..

In Christ Alone

This is a song that is very powerful, this motivates me on my everyday life. It reminds me to return the glory to God. All of my success, happiness and frustrations.. reminds me that God will always be behind me. My source of strength my source of hope… is my King!

 In Christ Alone by Brian Littrell

Lyrics

In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I’ve been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I’ll overcome
Oh, I could stop and count successes like diamonds in my hands
But those trophies could not equal to the grace by which I stand

In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

In Christ alone do I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
For only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
And now I seek no greater honor in just to know Him more
And to count my gains but losses to the glory of my Lord

In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

Someday.. When You Lose It

A wise pastor once told us that you should’nt hold on to something too tight. Because when its gone or if when u lose it, its going to be too painful.. this is a sad fact that I realized. Someday someone or something important to you will walk away.. or will vanish..

Money is seasonal you don’t always have it. Your so overwhelmed spending money with your own pleasure. Special someone, someone makes you so happy that you totally depend your happiness to that person. Do not learn to be dependent on thingsthat you can see or touch.. For when its gone your going to have a hard time picking up the pieces because your all scattered in your memories, that you have to look back and find yourself that once lost.

Be happy not because you are rich on everything. Be happy and depend only to yourself and to the Lord. So when things and person important to you went out your life, you can still stand on your own feet with a smile on you face saying “.. I am okay..”

Letting Go By Gary Valenciano

Check roniwaters.multiply.com   Letting Go by Gary Valenciano

Jan 15, ‘10 7:45 PM for everyone

I used to feel the emptiness inside me
I was not supposed to feel that way
I had everything I needed
But nothing ever made me
What I longed to be
The wealth, the name
The lights, the fame
Were everything to me
And then one night
Out of the blue
I heard His name (Jesus)
And so I took that step of faith
And walked into His domain
I believe that’s what He wants
Every heart to do
When hard may seem the task
One step is all He asks of you

Letting go to know the truth
Is not so hard to do
It’s the heart that’s got the will
To open up for Him to fill
And trusting and believing Him
Is all we’ve got to do
It’s just the heart that’s got to move
For Him to show His love that’s been there
Even when we never cared
Take hold of His hand
Let go and you’ll understand

Why be afraid
For God knows what you’re feeling
But even He can’t do a thing
If He sees the heart’s not willing
And so we ask what’s going on
We want what’s right and still do wrong
When hard may seem the task
One step is all He asks of you

I guess by now you’d realize
You can’t be on your own
And all your cares
And all your burdens
Should be cast upon His throne
Letting go, just let go, letting go
Let go and you’ll understand
Just let go and you’ll understand

The Answer

Today, i went to church because i feel so bothered about the result of the papsmear test. And immediately God answered be through the message I have received.. 1 Peter 5:7 — Cast all your anxiety upon Him because He cares for you..

This made me realize that I should be worrying too much when God knows when to catch me even if I dont speak, when God knows how I feel when I dont make any expressions. Pastor Peter Tanchi quoted it is said in Bible too many times…” Be not afraid” .. We just have to put our faith in God that He will never leave us in the battle of life. God is walking with me all the time. So whatever the result maybe I still thank God I am breathing right now.. I am giving this to Him..

Through It All

Hallelujah, hallelujah

– this is the song i keep hearing right now for this is the last song i heard. like others say.. last song syndrome. I am kinda pressured as of this moment about the papsmear result for which I have to wait for 2-4 days in Makati Medical Center. this is my first time to have a test like that. Kinda scares the half of my being because if anything goes wrong I’ll be leaving people who needs me.. dying is what I mean. I am not scared of dying not until I met my Savior. I can definitely say I know where I am going.. The good Lord will never turn His back on me.. I was too scared that I talked to my christian friend.. He said, how come your scared? i thought you know where your going? I told me i know where i am going.. he said then leave it all to HIm, He knows what to do He is our God, He is our Savior. I still told him to pray for me.. after a while, he went back and he said.. there, i already told God about your story 5 minutes ago. and He said He will take care of it. That moment something hit me in the head. Its just like he is talking to someone near him, a friend.. And that’s when I realize, I need to be reminded at all times that I MUST put all my TRUST to the Lord, i should know when i give, and surendered my life to HIM. Amazing, how it feels to be so near HIM. and when you get far, He will still call you and send someone to remind you How Great He Is!… To God Be All the Glory..

The Cross That Saved My Life

Our death is not sufficient to atone for sin because atonement requires a perfect, spotless sacrifice, offered in just the right way. Jesus, the one perfect God-man, came to offer the pure, complete and everlasting sacrifice to remove, atone, and make eternal payment for our sin.

            Have you ever thought why God gave His only Son to save us?  Ever since I was a little girl, I always thought that a cross is a symbol of pain and suffering. It is a wonder to me why churches have cross when you see in the movie that cross is being used to hurt someone. I never thought that, that cross will change everything from the moment I heard the word of God.

It is said in 1 Peter 1:18-19, Jesus paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors (Adam and Eve). And the ransom was not mere gold or silver. He paid for you with the precious lifeblood of Christ, the sinless spotless Lamb of God. Jesus, paid our sins as a whole. Sins committed by the human race is all been washed away by the Son of God. Sins has been taken out and paid by Jesus.. God gave His only Son to save the world because he loves us so much.

If you’re a father or a mother, will you be willing to give the life of your only son to wash away the sins of someone don’t even care for you at all?  Come to think of it, hard yet God gave it all out. It is a privileged to have God’s love, when you don’t give it back to Him, and when we take it all for granted every time we commit a sin. A pastor once quoted, Christian life is not easy.. it is impossible. But this should be the hindrance to continue living through His word after everything God has done for us. We may not be perfect enough not to commit a sin because of our selfishness. But remember this every time you wake up, God gave His only Son to save you.. How many times did you let Jesus be crucified because of you, because of your sins? Why will He not give you everything? Is it too much to ask to give the love back to our Savior?

The Lord Is My Savior

I am Ronnalyn Tubig-Aheren, a person who thinks that God is just God who looks after us, loving people, the creator or heaven and earth. For me ever since I was a little girl I never thought that our God can save my life and my family’s life. For a person who’s not really into deep diving of the word of God won’t realize His worth on one’s life. 

I was never a proud christian, because I know people might think I am corny, I am boring, and that I am the good girl for which delivers the message that I am not a cool person. Until I accompanied a friend in the mall and she said she has to go because she needs to go to church, it was never my intention to come with her to worship. I just asked her if I could go with her so I have someone with me because I don’t want to go home yet because it’s just noon. Months had passed and I still continue to go to christian church, not mainly because of the freewill but an obligation to God.

John 8:1-11 (New International Version)

John 8

 ¹But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. ²At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. ³The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group ⁴and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. ⁵In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” ⁶They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

   But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. ⁷When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” ⁸Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

 ⁹At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. ¹⁰Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

 ¹¹“No one, sir,” she said.
      ”Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin

The Problem Of Science

A Great Song I Heard Sunday 10/17 Service in CCF

Here is a great song that i heard that Sunday service in CCF for which remind us how great and how good is our God..

In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I’ve been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I overcome
Oh, I could stop and count successes
Like diamonds in my hand
But those trophies could not equal
To the grace by which I stand

In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source of hope
Is Christ alone

In Christ alone will I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
Only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
Now I seek no greater honor
Than just to know Him more
And to count my things but losses
To the glory of the Lord

In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source of hope
Is Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source of hope
Is Christ alone

My source of strength, my source of hope
Is Christ alone

Logan Sky Angel Cowboy

its amazing how God works, that even a young child could understands how greatful He is.

walking in the water by caroline tanchi

A Getaway

      Last September 17th 2009 a day after my birthday Mom,I and couple of our friends went to an Ilocos Tour. Everything was smooth, I told myself this is a good time to get away from all the worries and stress i have in back home..Went to Batac to see  the remains previous president Ferdinand Marcos, to Baluarte, to Vigan, to Bangui Windmill, Kabigan Falls, Blue Lagoon and  ViaDuct in Pagudpud. But there’s one spot that caught my attention my favorite spot in Pagudpud is that the view of the sea passing through a cave called Timmangtang Cave. It wasn’t that brilliant but sitting in the shore and hearing the waves and seeing the cave makes me go back to what just happened for this year.. The most painful part of my life is that losing the first man in my life and that is my Dad, also losing a friend (chad my dog). I could recall all those bad and sorrowful time. But no matter how painful life can be there would always be something to look up to. I got married also this year, i know.. Old Filipino tradition ( Sukob ). I got married in less than 40 days after my Dad left us. Because I know he will be happy for me. He’s happy that I am finally getting married.. God is truly greatly He never left my side. He was the One who made me realize that life dont stop in a misery. He took my Dad away from us, but He gave us an assurance that everything will be alright in midst of sorrow. Come to think of it.. i have thought about all of these while sitting down in a rock beside the shore I think this is the best part of that vacation being able to reflect and look back. And most of all seeing my mother enjoying every inch of that so called getaway…

Getting By..

At this point of my life, i feel like i am losing everysingle thing i have. First my father, second my Husband (gone back to US) and third Chad ( my Dog ). 2009 is a very hard year for me i guess. Because i never felt so down in my entire life. Never felt that a part of my heart is missing, hehe can you imagine thats 3 of them. What I’ve learned about being in this situation is that God would never ever give something that you cant bare. Everything has solution, every question has an answer and everything will be fine eventually if you learn to realize the beauty and the advantage of learning how to get by.. 

Getting Used To..

        I never wanna get used to a person who’s being so nice to me, never try to get it into my mind because i know there’s nothing constant in this world. Nothing’s constant but change, weather change, currency change, ecomic change, even iguana’s color can change but above of it all is that ” people change”..  This is the reason why i never wanna get close to anyone and get use to what they do, because i know eventually it will kill me that i have to accept the fact that things wont be same anymore or can be the same but will change from time to time. That’s what i fear alot even before, that’s why everytime a person gets near me and trying to become a part of my whole being.. I try to turn my back right away. Because i dont wanna feel bad in the end.

Five Stages Of Grief

Kübler-Ross model

The Kübler-Ross model, commonly known as the five stages of grief, was first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying”. It describes, in five discrete stages, a process by which people allegedly deal with grief and tragedy, especially when diagnosed with a terminal illness or catastrophic loss. In addition to this, her book brought mainstream awareness to the sensitivity required for better treatment of individuals who are dealing with a fatal disease. ^[1]

 Stages

1) Denial:

·         Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after death. ^[1]

Example - “I feel fine.”; “This can’t be happening, not to me.”

2) Anger:

·         Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy. ^[1]

Example - “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; “Who is to blame?”

3) Bargaining:

·         The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the person is saying, “I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time…” ^[1]

Example - “Just let me live to see my children graduate.”; “I’ll do anything for a few more years.”; “I will give my life savings if…”

4) Depression:

·         During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect themself from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer an individual up that is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed. ^[1]

Example - “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “I’m going to die . . . What’s the point?”; “I miss my loved one, why go on?”

5) Acceptance:

·         This final stage comes with peace and understanding of the death that is approaching. Generally, the person in the fifth stage will want to be left alone. Additionally, feelings and physical pain may be non-existent. This stage has also been described as the end of the dying struggle. ^[1]

Example - “It’s going to be okay.”; “I can’t fight it, I may as well prepare for it.”

Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to people suffering from terminal illness, and later to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). ^[1] This may also include significant life events such as the death of a loved one, divorce, drug addiction, or an infertility diagnosis. Kübler-Ross also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in the order noted above, nor are all steps experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two. Often, people will experience several stages in a “roller coaster” effect - switching between two or more stages, returning to one or more several times before working through it. ^[1] Significantly, people experiencing the stages should not force the process. The grief process is highly personal and should not be rushed, nor lengthened, on the basis of an individual’s imposed time frame or opinion. One should merely be aware that the stages will be worked through and the ultimate stage of “Acceptance” will be reached. However, there are individuals that struggle with death until the end. Some psychologists believe that the harder a person fights death, they are more likely to stay in the denial stage. If this is the case, it is possible the ill person will have more difficulty dying in a dignified way. Other psychologists state that not confronting death until the end is adaptive for some people. ^[1] Those that experience problems working through the stages should consider professional grief counseling or support groups.

Chad now signing off…

   They say dog is man’ bestfriend.. in this case i think i lost one of my bestfriend. For some who dont have a pet dog would never understand me. Chad is my 5 year old golden retriver dog, he passed away yesterday 9am in Animal Clinic near Kapitolyo Pasig.. Last Tuesday June 9 my Mom woke me p, he told me Chad’s not getting up something’s wrong. And then i stoop up i saw him ling on the floor can barely carry himself. I called his name his tail wagged, my brother carried him to the car and we rushed him to the nearest animal clinic open. He was diagnosed my Ehrlichiosis or infected with blood parasite erhlichia. Parasite that weakens the immune system and breaking slowly his kidney. It was heartbreaking that moment, i still have hope because the veterinarians told me there was still hope depending on how he will respond to the treatment. 2 DAYS had passed and still now improvement, he’s not getting up, getting even worst. It was painful for me watch detiriorate like that. I was crying going home everytime i go visit him. Yesterday morning mom and i decided to go to church for a Sunday service to also pray for Chad’s quick recovery. After the service we went to the clinic, i was looking for my baby. I couldnt find him, the vet said tht he died 3 hours ago. I knew i had to let go, but it was so painful. Even much more painful that breaking up with someone you love. Pain that i canot contain, veterinarians told me that they did everything they can to save him. But he just wanted to let go.. I would never forget how much i love him, he’s the only dog i took care of like that. I would never forget the playing, the crazy bath times, the time he stood up, walk and sit beside me whenever he sees me crying. I knew from the start that i had to let go, but i never knew it would be this quick he still got  5 more years. There’s one thing i know for sure, i can take care of anther dog but he can never be replaced inside people heart… my famiy and friends. 

Chad Tubig now signing off….